Everything I need I have in my bag. I know that I can live comfortably with what I carry. One month, two months, two years, what's the difference? It all fits in the same bag, all that I need.
Its not true, my turning South. The desire is true. It is so real for me. I could simply keep exploring until I die. But not on this journey. I will let this journey end. The hard truth is that I have to go home, to whatever that word means.
Each time this becomes so much harder for me, this moment that always comes, bidden or not. What is the truth of this? I don't always know. There is so much that I do not understand, that I am incapable of grasping. What I do know is that I am good at this one thing: I can travel. I do not become lonely, I do not become impatient, I do not become jaded. The act of the journey opens me, peels back successive layers, leaves me naked and vulnerable.
Perhaps it is an evolution, or perhaps it is just another aspect of my obsessive behavior. Whatever the stew of causes and motivations, what is true for me is that I revel in the journey. I have found the thing in life that gives me incredible joy, the thing that teaches me, molds me, and strips me raw before the world.
I am a better human being for each journey. I struggle to keep that spark alive when I return home. I am not always capable of integrating what I gain from the journey. Perhaps I can learn to blend the freedom that travel gives me into my day-to-day life when I am not traveling.
There are still days ahead, adventures to experience, and yet another border to cross. This moment will pass, I will do my best to let the passing of time be exactly what it is, the passing of time, life as it is lived each moment. After all, what else is the lesson of the journey but that?
Why struggle Marco? Are you afraid of loosing contacts with human society? Let it move, and find your peace... Enlightenment is not something only Buddha can experience. It is for anyone who is willing to accept and experience that state, and you can keep that if you want! We dearly miss you, but having a buddha as a friend is also an awesome thing! :-)
ReplyDeleteI struggle because i am aware of the desire to continue and the requirement that at this time i cannot. I am so far from enlightenment that it is laughable. I am only capable of viewing the product of desire as if through a glass dimly. To successfully transcend desire? Not yet, not me. Hence I struggle. Simple.
ReplyDelete